I’m not going to talk about how having this simple procedure detects cancer early and, literally, saves lives – that’s old news. And I’m not going to try to persuade you to have one by telling you how one no longer has to drink gallons and gallons of nasty-tasting stuff like they used to the night before – you’ve probably heard that 100 times. What I DO want to talk about is the benefits of having a colonoscopy that nobody else is talking about – the ones that will make you smile. There wasn’t room to list them all, so I have selected the Top 10 Reasons Why Having a Colonoscopy Makes You Smile.
10. You get to utter mysteriously: “I’m having a medical procedure done tomorrow.”
9. You get the day off work.
8. Just when you think age has caused you to slow down, the time it takes you to get to the bathroom from the living room will prove you wrong.
7. Free fuzzy socks with non-slip grippers.
6. The warm blanket – mmmmmmmmm. You’ll be so busy wondering where you can buy a blanket warmer, you’ll forget why you’re there.
5. It will be the one time in your whole life when you will be encouraged to pass gas while others are present.
4. You’re sure to lose a pound or so in the process – without exercise!
3. You will finally get some of that sleep you’ve been needing.
2. You will have earned the right to nag others who haven’t yet had “the procedure” and are now qualified to proclaim self-righteously: “It’s just not that big a deal.”
And the number one reason why having a colonoscopy makes you smile??
1. You can now participate in those conversations that you were formerly banned from due to your lack of experience. You know – the ones that use phrases like wooshing feeling, never moved so fast in my life, I was relieved to find out that. . . “
IF YOU’RE OVER 50 AND YOU HAVEN’T HAD “THE PROCEDURE” YET, DO IT. REALLY – IT’S JUST NOT THAT BIG A DEAL!*
* We are both qualified to tell you that!